One of my colleagues recently told me how dismayed she was that so many of her clients in long-term relationships or marriages seemed to have given up on sex entirely, or had passionless, unsatisfying sex a couple of times a year at most. (She herself has been married for more than 20 years and has… Continue reading Why Sex Matters
How to Keep Your New Year’s Resolutions
It’s no secret that most people make and then break their New Year’s resolutions, and there’s plenty of Internet advice available on how to avoid such a disappointment: start small, make a detailed step-by-step plan, surround yourself with positive re-enforcement, etc. These are worthy suggestions, though they ignore the unconscious reasons why we often fail… Continue reading How to Keep Your New Year’s Resolutions
Accentuating the Positive
I haven’t heard it in a number of years, but every once in a while, a client will ask why we talk only about “what’s wrong” in therapy. It’s a valid question. Australian blogger Evan Hadkins, who frequently comments here on After Psychotherapy, has chided me for over-emphasizing the painful aspects of the work I… Continue reading Accentuating the Positive
Shyness and Self-Hatred
Early in my career, when clients would talk about intense forms of self-criticism or self-loathing, I used to make interpretations that focused on the savage and perfectionistic superego. Over time, I’d help them develop the mental ability to withstand this savagery and protect themselves from it. Later, as I described in this earlier post, I… Continue reading Shyness and Self-Hatred
The Healing Power of Humor in Psychotherapy
As much as I enjoy making my video series about psychodynamic psychotherapy, I feel a low level of ongoing frustration beause I don’t come across as I do in other situations — either in a social context or when working with clients. That person in the videos seems so darn serious, in contrast to the… Continue reading The Healing Power of Humor in Psychotherapy