I don’t usually relate to the trending topics on Twitter — often about celebrities I don’t know and TV shows I’ve never watched — but earlier this week I noticed that #WhatHurtstheMost was a popular hashtag for the day. Out of curiousity, I searched the term on Twitter and read through a hundred or so… Continue reading What Hurts the Most
Category: Shame/Narcissism
Keeping Secrets from Your Therapist
When people enter psychotherapy, even if they’re desperate and deeply in need, they don’t fully reveal themselves in the early phases of treatment. As in any relationship, it takes time to develop enough trust so you feel safe making yourself vulnerable. A prudent reserve makes sense: how can you be sure the stranger sitting in… Continue reading Keeping Secrets from Your Therapist
Shame and Indifference in the Hookup Era
Sunday’s New York Times ran an interesting article about the end of traditional dating in the so-called millennial generation. It confirmed what I’ve been hearing from my younger clients for some time now — that men and women in their early twenties tend to socialize in groups and engage in a lot of casual sex.… Continue reading Shame and Indifference in the Hookup Era
Shyness and Self-Hatred
Early in my career, when clients would talk about intense forms of self-criticism or self-loathing, I used to make interpretations that focused on the savage and perfectionistic superego. Over time, I’d help them develop the mental ability to withstand this savagery and protect themselves from it. Later, as I described in this earlier post, I… Continue reading Shyness and Self-Hatred
Cringing Shame Memories
Like many of my clients, I have certain intrusive memories — some of them going back more than 40 years — that carry with them the sting of shame. It’s no longer a frequent experience for me, but when one of them pops into my mind, I have a very distinct physical reaction. I close… Continue reading Cringing Shame Memories